Have you had a bad week? Did nothing seem to go your way? Did you read one-too-many headlines that made your entire body deflate like an old birthday balloon?
Well fear not, for I have gathered some of the funniest tweets and compiled them into a nice little list for you to enjoy, and maybe even laugh at.
So sit back, relax, and get ready to chuckle while pretending the rest of the world just doesn't exist for a little while.
Same with hotel hair dryers. I might as well just get someone to breathe on my head — it would be just as effective, maybe even more so.
Or maybe his parents just don't want him around. If they make another movie, I have a really good title suggest that I think they should really consider:
Home Alone 6: Just Take The Hint Already, Kevin.
You know how in Avengers Bruce Banner says his secret to keeping Hulk under control is that he's always angry?
Well, I'm like that, but always worried.
Seriously, I think I could strut my way through a haunted house without flinching once because 2020 already did its absolute worst, and a teenager in a clown mask just won't have the same effect anymore.
I've also become increasingly obsessed with squirrels now, and feel the need to announce it every time I see one, even if I'm the only one home.
Like, yes they had to get the dinosaurs inside somehow, I get that. But also I'm pretty sure most of them were probably air-lifted in so, this question remains unanswered as far as I'm concerned.
"Babe, do we need oven mitts?"
"Babe, how many drawers should our dresser have?"
"Babe?? Where'd you go??"
Seriously, read about it for yourself. It'll make you laugh ruefully while also shaking your head at the inherent sexism at work here.
It's always been my dream to eat pasta every day, and I have this woman to thank for making that dream a reality.
Mangia!
There's just something so incredibly intimidating about a dentist looking down at you while they ask if you've been flossing every day.
Even if the answer is yes, you're still not sure if that's acceptable or not.
Just the other day I helped my boyfriend look for the gummy peaches that I most definitely ate while he was at work the night before.
I'm already preparing for my motherly role.
